And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
