I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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