apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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