i just wanna soil my oats bro
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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