you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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