Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
