I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
