Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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