You're my little dorito
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
