Whod you bang
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
