Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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