How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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