Whats the glycemic index on semen?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
