If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I need moral support for this bender
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
