Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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