i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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