Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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