i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
