matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
a search helicopter?!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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