i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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