And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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