Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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