I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
