Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
