i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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