he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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