No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
