I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
