well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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