taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
