i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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