Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
