just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
