Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Randomize
