He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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