someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
