That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
