If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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