STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
