I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
