Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
