Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
