this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
