you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
NoShamevember. You game?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Terrible idea I love it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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