In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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