I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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