mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
