I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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