Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
