I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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