final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
