It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
