Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize