Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
