the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
