I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
