pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
