i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize