I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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