remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
