R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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