he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She bit a glass in half.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
