I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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