you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
