I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
