You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
