stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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