I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
