It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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