OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
