I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
