I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
