I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
