She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
