what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Damn victory sex feels great
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
