My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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