Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Randomize
