I want to make a zoo with you.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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