She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
