TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
