I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize