I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
