you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize