i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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