Got a toothbrush?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
