I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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