I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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