That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
