Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize