In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
