theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
